Where I've Been
Hi, friends!! It feels like so long since I’ve last posted but it feels good to be sitting down and writing again. This is probably the longest I’ve gone without posting anything on here and oh my goodness, have I felt guilty about that.
It’s hard to explain why I’ve been so distant from my blog this year because I, myself have yet to fully understand. I think it’s been a collection of various things that have had my head elsewhere for the last few months.
One of the main reasons I’ve been so distant is because I’ve been taking care of myself. The last year of my life has been a season of change, which has forced me to outgrow old habits, ideas, and mindsets. It is not lost upon me how much of a privilege it has been for me to focus on bettering myself, but it has forced me to take a step back from a few things that were taking a lot of my energy. This blog was one of those things.
Secondly, sharing my life online takes a lot more energy than it may seem. Somehow, my introversion translates to the online world, which often drains me. Sharing any part of myself with another human, regardless of who they are takes a lot out of me. I think it’s mostly due to the fact that I’m constantly trying to present the best version of myself to other people. I wouldn't call it fake, but rather, giving all that I have to another person for that specific point in time that we’re together. But that’s beside the point.
I think one of the biggest challenges I’ve faced with this blog is deciding which direction to take it in. I feel an ever-growing pressure to find a ‘niche’, which has been difficult for me. I am very much so all over the place with my interests and lifestyle, so I have a difficult time picking one, solitary thing and running with it. Perhaps that is my niche; not having one.
Another challenge for me has been excessively worrying how other people will perceive the things that I write. I think it’s a natural human fear, but I feel that it’s very amplified by my social anxiety, which is something that I’ve dealt with for nearly my entire life. The fear of saying the wrong thing on this blog and in my real life has been something that I’ve really been working on since the end of last year. It’s been a slow, but sure process. My writing is something that I’ve always held near and dear to my heart, so sharing it has been a bit of a challenge.
In short, I don’t know what I’m doing with this blog but I know that I want to stick with it. I truly believe that doing this has been one of the most meaningful things that I’ve ever done with my life. Regardless of how many people read my blog, I intuitively know that I’m meant to be here at this point in my life.
So, I want to thank you for the hundredth time for being here and reading my words. It is so kind of you to spend part of your day reading the ramblings of my mind. Soooo much love & light to you!!